How Narcissists Control Partners in Crime

Manipulation, Guilt, and the Scapegoat Strategy

Narcissists, driven by an intense need for control, admiration, and self-importance, can exert a powerful and insidious influence over their partners, sometimes leading them into criminal activity. Through manipulation, guilt, and well-calculated promises, narcissists can pull their partners into crimes like fraud, only to abandon and blame them when things go wrong. This article explores the tactics narcissists use to control partners in crime, focusing on manipulation, emotional coercion, and their readiness to make the partner the scapegoat.

1. Manipulating Control Through Emotional Leverage
Narcissists start by establishing control in the relationship through emotional manipulation. Often, they appeal to their partner’s loyalty, shared goals, or desire for closeness, gradually ensnaring them in risky behaviors framed as “our little secrets” or “our shared plans.” They make the partner feel indispensable to these schemes, subtly binding them to increasingly risky actions. This creates a sense of unity and purpose in the partner, who may believe that they’re building something meaningful together.

As the partner becomes more involved, the narcissist gradually tightens control, making it clear that the partner’s “support” and compliance are essential to the success of the operation. This dependency makes it hard for the partner to back out without risking the narcissist’s approval or affection, reinforcing the narcissist’s hold over them.

2. Using Guilt to Ensure Compliance
Guilt is a powerful weapon in the narcissist’s arsenal. They skillfully make the partner feel responsible for doubting the plan, suggesting that any hesitation shows a lack of trust or loyalty. This guilt keeps the partner quiet, compliant, and increasingly invested in the scheme.

As doubts arise, narcissists often frame these concerns as selfish or shortsighted, planting seeds of guilt in the partner’s mind. Narcissists might say, “I thought we were in this together,” or “Don’t you believe in us?”—using emotional manipulation to overcome any hesitation or resistance. This guilt-based manipulation makes it harder for the partner to question or resist, as they feel that doing so would betray the narcissist or jeopardize the relationship.

3. Reassurance with an Ulterior Motive: “I’ll Make Everything Right”
When doubts persist, narcissists often calm their partner by promising that everything will go smoothly, and if things go wrong, they’ll “handle it.” These assurances are intended to keep the partner involved, creating a false sense of security. The narcissist may say, “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure nothing happens to us,” or, “If anything goes wrong, I’ll take care of it.”

These promises, however, are empty. The narcissist has no real intention of taking responsibility if the plan falls apart. Instead, these reassurances are merely another tactic to keep the partner engaged, ensuring they remain complicit without questioning the risks. When authorities inevitably close in, these promises quickly evaporate, leaving the partner unprotected and alone.

4. The Scapegoat Strategy: Setting the Partner Up to Take the Blame
When things go wrong, the narcissist’s self-preservation instincts kick in, and they often use their partner as a scapegoat. Narcissists commonly claim they had no knowledge of the fraudulent activities, insisting that the partner managed all financial aspects on their own. They might say, “It was your account; I had no idea what was happening there,” or, “You handled everything; I was just trusting you.”

The narcissist builds a narrative that portrays them as uninvolved, innocent, or even naïve, painting the partner as the mastermind behind the crime. They often insist that they didn’t know where the funds were coming from or that they had no say in how the accounts were managed. This position allows them to redirect suspicion entirely onto the partner, presenting themselves as unwitting bystanders and leaving the partner to face the consequences alone.

Additionally, narcissists manipulate the partner into accepting full responsibility for the crime by appealing to their sense of duty or loyalty. They might argue, “It was your account, so if anyone has to answer for this, it should be you,” or, “There’s no need for both of us to go to jail; if we both go, who will look after the business and the family?” By framing the situation in this way, the narcissist pressures the partner into taking the fall alone, convincing them that doing so is the “logical” choice.

This scapegoat strategy is devastating to the partner, who may have believed in the narcissist’s promises and shared goals. When faced with betrayal, they realize that the narcissist has painted them as the sole perpetrator, rewriting the entire story of the relationship to protect themselves.

5. The Role of a Narcissist’s Lack of Empathy in Fraud
Fraud often requires a disregard for the feelings or well-being of others, a trait narcissists possess in abundance. With their inherent lack of empathy, narcissists can lie, manipulate, and exploit others without remorse. This emotional detachment enables them to use their partners as tools in criminal schemes, seeing them as pawns to be sacrificed if needed.

In fraud cases, narcissists might entice their partners with promises of wealth, success, or shared ambition. However, they rationalize any harm caused by viewing others as mere obstacles in their path. When faced with the real-world consequences of their actions, narcissists remain indifferent, lacking any remorse or empathy for the damage done to their partners or others.

6. The Psychological Toll on the Partner
Partners of narcissists who find themselves entangled in criminal activity often face severe emotional and psychological consequences. Not only do they face potential legal penalties, but they also endure the devastating experience of betrayal by someone they trusted deeply. Narcissists leave a trail of psychological harm, causing their partners to feel shame, guilt, and self-doubt as they realize the extent of the manipulation.

Conclusion: Recognizing the Red Flags
Understanding how narcissists operate in relationships involving crime can help individuals recognize warning signs early. Narcissists often use a blend of guilt, manipulation, and empty promises to lead partners into actions they would never otherwise consider. Recognizing the red flags—such as undue pressure to act, dismissive reactions to concerns, and suspiciously reassuring promises—can help individuals avoid becoming entangled in dangerous schemes.

For those already involved, seeking support from trusted friends, family, or legal professionals can provide a path out of the narcissist’s control. By understanding the narcissist’s tactics and regaining agency, individuals can protect themselves from becoming unwitting accomplices—or scapegoats—in the narcissist’s schemes.